Primus 9, 1670
(A portion is missing from
this entry.)
Well, I’m FINALLY on vacation in the
lovely tropical paradise of Puerto Grande! In fact, it’s almost over. It has
been 13 wonderful days of sun, sand, men, & thwarting the dastardly plans of
Montaigne Royalists. Ah, a Captain’s work is never done. Tomorrow I’ll just
be dueling Jeremiah Berek & I’ll be on my way.
Yes,
it does seem I have some writing to do.
As I
had previously written, my birthday had begun as an exceptionally depressing
one, but I did manage to clean myself up enough to enjoy lunch & dinner with
Miss Gizella. After the evening meal, my men encouraged me towards a large
meeting room I’d never been in before. Inside were bottles & bottles of
rum. It was all they could do, they said, but… “Happy Birthday”. I swear I
felt so loved! I went around & hugged each of them before proceeding to hit
the alcohol. There was some furniture & a table in the room, so I sprawled
out on a couch & my men & I joked, sang bawdy songs & reminisced
over the good times we shared during the past year.
At
some point in the evening Gizella came in carrying a large cake! She couldn’t
stay long, but wanted to wish me “many happy returns”. She would have loved
to tell the Eisenfurst, but he would have wanted to make a huge event out of it.
He would mean well, but being that I wanted to lay low… I thanked her just the
same & offered some cake. She left after a couple of bites; she didn’t
want to be away from Reinhardt too long, lest he become suspicious.
So, I
ended up having a very good time despite the fall out of the Revolution.
Something very strange happened that night though. I remember it, but the
details are rather cloudy. After all, I had been drinking a LOT; we all had. I
don’t want really to ask for details either. You see, at some point during our
festivities, Dio & I became very close. The party started to die down &
I had begun to grow sad again. He came over to the couch to comfort me, but it
was different from his usual comforting. I don’t remember much of what was
said, but he spoke so sweetly & touched me so gently. Next thing I recall we
were staggering back to our room together. I certainly remember the moment when
the door closed, because he had me against it! We were kissing ravenously &
our hands were all over each other! We stumbled back to the bed, he was on top
of me & that was it! I woke up the next morning fully clothed with a
tremendous headache!
I
wish I remembered more! For so long I have wanted him. For years I wished he
wanted me too. I’m sure I’ve shared that enough in these pages. I figured
that it was hopeless & when I finally got a chance, it was in a drunken
stupor. Poor Dio. That’s probably the only reason why he did it. Well,
neither of us have mentioned it since. If he remembers, he’s probably far too
embarrassed about it so I won’t even ask. It’s for the best anyway. At least
I’ll have somewhat of a memory of him to hold on to, a tidbit of a dream that
I’ve woken up from.
Anyway,
we were back in the warm seclusion of my smoking room on the 12th of
Decimus. This time Serpente & I were rather seriously discussing our
vacation. He said if I didn’t get one soon I was going to explode & there
would be little bits of Z all over the place! That’s about how I felt, too.
So, I determined that Le Grande Betê & as many of her crew that wanted to
were finally heading to Marcena!
Out
of nowhere I said, “Dio, tell me I didn’t kill my father.” I guess I was
still struggling with Sylvain’s words as well as my own guilt, even then. He
took my hand & looked in my eyes. If he had been paying attention to the
people in the first place, he said, my father would have known how they were
feeling long ago & he could have prevented it. Nobody would want to kill him
if he had been treating them well. He believed, as did most Castillians, that
nobles were given a divine right & responsibility by Theus himself to take
care of the people, a responsibility that should be taken very seriously. Theus
trusted the nobles of Montaigne with the welfare of the people & they
failed. I took a long, deep thought. I’d never entertained the idea of divine
right before; nobility to me has always needed to be earned, but his words did
make a bit of sense in my case. I mused aloud that perhaps that could be why I
care for my crew like I do, why I take care of them & why I want to take
care of the people of Montaigne. Perhaps that’s why I’ve taken
responsibility for the people out of the hands of the nobles who have abused it.
Maybe I’ve made it my life’s work because my noble blood compels me to it.
He was silent for a moment, thoughtful. “Perhaps,” He finally replied. The
nobles were failing miserably & as a noble Theus had charged me with
correcting the harm that they had done. Unfortunately, I had only been one of
very few nobles who were actually meeting their obligation to Theus & to the
people.
Now,
Theus has always been a questionable concept to me. I’ve always believed that
he didn’t care, that he just set the world in motion & walked away, but
maybe, just maybe when he began it all he set nobles apart, giving them the
desire, skill & responsibility to care for the others. Either way, by divine
right or not, I do care & I do want the commoners to be free & happy. I
want them to be able to reach their full potential & I want them all to have
a say in their lives, in their government. I want it so much so that I have
stood & challenged their oppressors, nearly getting myself killed. I’m not
sure what gives me the will or the strength; perhaps it is a divine calling. I
don’t know. It doesn’t matter, ultimately. All I do know is that it is that
important to me & I’d do it again.
Mid-contemplation,
Armin came in with a letter bearing the official seal of the Montaigne Republic.
Better yet, it was from Hubert! He
hoped that the letter found me well, going on to tell me that the Council had
been discussing my contributions & unanimously decided to declare me an
official Privateer of the Republic. The letters of Marque were enclosed! P.S. Good
luck!
Good
luck. He said that to me every time I went to leave him. Maybe he’s been
thinking of me? Oh that he were. I’ve been thinking a lot about him as well,
especially recently, but I suppose I’ll get to that. I gave a lot of ground to
cover at the moment & I do have to get up very early tomorrow!
Once
we were underway I made the announcement to a rather enthusiastic crew. Most of
the sailors were Montaigne after all, having been picked up in my homeport of
Crieux. I offered to drop anyone who had issue with our new status off in
Carleon when we stopped to restock. As far as I know, nobody left. It could have
been because they were looking forward to our vacation destination, though. I
know I was!
We
docked in the very busy port at Puerto Grande on the 3rd day of
Prophets Mass & as usual, Serpente, Allende & I were the first off the
ship. Oh, my puppy was just SO excited! He jumped about & wagged that stubby
little tail just as fast as he could!
The
dock was actually at the bottom of a cliff wall, so we had to climb all the way
up to the city, but the view from there was absolutely breathtaking! The sun was
setting in the distance, turning the sky & waters all shades of red, orange
& pink. The ships below even took on a slight pink hue. Looking back over
the land we could see rolling green hills, gorgeous purple mountains & sugar
plantations in the distance. The city itself was bustling & in full
celebration mode for the holiday. There were musicians playing in the streets
& food vendors sending delicious scents through the air. Brightly colored
lights hung over open-air buildings & flowers were absolutely everywhere! It
was the perfect temperature too, hot but with a lovely breeze. I breathed it all
in & as I exhaled, all of the stress of the past year disappeared. I had
stepped out of the blood, revolution & chaos into paradise!
We
walked through the streets in search of a room & one shop caught my eye. The
man was selling a very odd looking, spiny yellow fruit. I asked him what it was
in my best, albeit choppy, Castillian & was then introduced to the Piña.
Oh, it is such a delicious, sweet fruit! I have since been practically living
off of them & even have a few to take with me. I may even have to start
importing them myself!
Ah,
but back to the moment. The city was very cosmopolitan; people from everywhere
were there, even the natives mixed freely. They were so dark! I’d never seen
anyone so dark before! And then there were others who looked native, but mixed
with Castillian. (I have to admit; it was a very attractive combination!)
Everybody seemed so laid back & friendly though.
And…
the women walked around in brightly colored, short, sleeveless dresses! I mean
you could see their calves! NOBODY could get away with that in Theah. Of course,
I had to buy a few while I could get away with it, but as usual I had to do one
better. I ordered my hems raised above the knee!
Further
down the street we were sidetracked yet again as a crowd of natives gathered
around a race of the strangest creatures I have ever seen, the “Quemera”.
They had beaks like a pelican, bodies of a lizard & short webbed feet on 4
stubby legs (of which they only ran on 2). They were covered with fur, had bat
wings, round bellies, & a flat tail! Each of them had little lanes that
their owners placed them on & at the mark, they waddled as fast as their
little legs could carry them in the most absurd manner! It was unbelievably
hilarious! I laughed so hard I cried! Allende was quite entertained as well. It
was rather amusing to watch him watching them. He’d step up close, sniff at
them curiously, then run back behind my leg & peer from the distance.
Once
we’d managed to find rooms, which was an adventure of its own, we stepped out
again, this time with no other agenda but to have fun. We stopped at an open-air
bar where they served sweet drinks in coconut shells, a Piña Colada! The party
continued late into the night & Dio & I danced in the street until dawn.
The
following morning I was introduced to cinnamon & sugar roasted nuts! So
enamored with them I was that I bought some for Serpente & when I met him in
the street, he had some for me as well! He was very excited, the grand opening
of the opera house was on Primus 7 & he held up tickets triumphantly!
Finally, he was going to take me to the romantic opera he’d promised.
Every
day up until the day of the opera was about the same. I always wore my
scandalous native dresses, always had a drink in hand, never missed a Quemera
race, & shared my bed with a different man each night. Except on New
Year’s Day. I was actually very somber & introspective then, remembering
the falling of the Wachturm, Nikolas Tragüe, Logan…
Primus
2nd I found a brand new experience though. You see, when I reached
Marcena I was determined somewhere, somehow to bathe naked in the ocean, but I
could never find a private enough area. So, that day I found a gorgeous dark,
young native/Castillian cart owner & coerced him into driving me away from
the city to a secluded beach. He waited at the cart as I ran down to the sea
& pretended not to be watching as I removed my clothes. When I beckoned to
him, he didn’t waste much time. We made love in the water & finally on the
beach in the fresh air with the sun shining down on us. I swear, I’ll be
washing sand out of my hair for years to come, but it was definitely worth it!
By
the time Opera Night came, I was DARK. My skin has never been so brown & my
hair has never been so light. I really realized when I put on my white,
turquoise & melon gown for the show. The white of the dress was nearly
blinding against my skin!
The
enormous Opera House was packed & even with tickets, there was a line
waiting to get in. Inside, from the very first glance, the building was
absolutely breathtaking. The marble entranceway was lined with exquisitely
carved statues of theatrical figured from ancient Numan plays. There were four
floors of dark oak balconies all the way around. Crossed swords decorated the
wells & a huge crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling.
When
the lights went dim, Dio & I held hands & watched the grand performance
unfold. It was truly perfect, the acting was impeccable & the singers were
astounding! By the time intermission came, we were both thoroughly enthralled
with the story.
The
lights came up again & as I stood to get drinks, I couldn’t help but
notice that many of the patrons were looking upward, scowls on their faces. When
I looked up I understood. There, on a box seat a couple of floors up hung a HUGE
Imperial Montaigne flag! Seated there were several Montaigne Naval officers
& one elegantly dressed Castillian lady, the Governor, who looked rather
unhappy to be there. Ah, the Montaigne being so up on the latest trends, one
would think they would be embarrassed to fly a flag that is so terribly out of
season! Something didn’t sit right with me though, besides enjoying an opera
with traitors of the Republic. Being in a Castillian city, that wasn’t exactly
a bright maneuver on their part; it was almost as if they were begging to be
lynched! I decided against drinks at that point; I wanted my wits about me.
After
intermission the story continued, but it wasn’t long before a scream rang
through the air & someone yelled “Fire!” As people rushed to leave, I
could hear the clashing of steel & a commotion coming from that very box.
Sure enough, the fire was there!
I
jumped up quickly, pulled my main gauche out from under my skirts & grabbed
a sword off of the wall… only to realize it was made for show out of cheap
tin! I climbed onto the seats & up to the balcony, to be met by several
masked men. Their weapons were drawn & they were in the process of fighting
the Montaigne! The naval officers were losing at that point & I found myself
torn as to whose side I was on. I chose to guard the Governor.
Just
then, a captivating Castillian officer rushed into the box & began fighting
off the brutes. And again, a pretty face swayed me; my side had been chosen. I
wasn’t going to make any progress with that tin sword, though, & the fire
was spreading! I turned to one of the navy men telling him to give me his
sword, “I can assure you that I am better with it than you are.” My clever
words were lost to him, though; just as I said them he was run through. I picked
up his sword & continued to fight off the intruders with one hand as I
helped the Governor climb down to Dio with the other.
Once she was safe, I turned all of my attention to the masked men,
cutting off the leader’s mask. To my surprise, he was blonde with a slight
beard! He must not have appreciated that revelation, as he immediately
retreated.
(This
portion of this entry has been lost to time.)
So,
here I am, in bed, trying to rest for the big duel tomorrow. The problem is, I
couldn’t sleep even if I tried. My mind has been plagued by some disturbing
thoughts. When I arrived on Marcena I felt like a kid in a candy store with all
of the men around. Now, though, I feel like I’ve eaten too much candy. Could
it be that I, the lady known throughout Theah for her lusts, am growing tired of
casual affairs? Is that possible?? Or could it be that my thoughts keep
returning to Hubert? Perhaps it’s both. I have been thinking about him, as I
said, & about my days in Chareuse. I want to go back there, just to see him,
but that’s precisely why I can’t go back. I’ve tried so hard to forget
about the idea entirely, because what I feel is far too deep & too real.
I’m afraid of making myself vulnerable. I’ve been hurt too much lately by
love, the death of my family & the fight with my brother. If I open myself
up & create another bond, well it’s a risk. It’s not really that I fear
his not wanting me; he didn’t want me to leave him after the Revolution &
I didn’t want to leave either. But, what if he found out I was born noble?
Would it even matter? I mean, Jacob’s Society had noble patrons; I’m sure
they’re not holding that against them. However, what if my missing journal
pages came out somehow? There are far more damning things then my identity as
far as I can recall, such as my former hatred of the Vatacine & the
occasional phrase “bloody peasant”. Maybe I could explain my heritage, but I
don’t think I could explain those enough.
I’d
almost forgotten those papers! I bet there are some deposed nobles who would
love to get their hands on them & they have the money to pay a damn fine
price for them too! Whoever has
them could auction them for a pretty penny at this point if they wanted to.
I’ve gotten far too big & my reputation in Montaigne is high. Someone
could use those papers to devastate me, politically. Worse yet, they could
destroy any chance I have with Hubert, should I ever risk to take it. That does
it! I have to get those papers back. It’s more important now than ever. I
don’t have a choice; I can’t wait any longer.
Great.
Good luck getting to sleep now! The sword of Damocles has been hanging over my
head. Somehow, I’d just forgotten.
Ah
well, if all else fails, I still need to write my first official journal entry
for the Republic, outlining the details of my last great adventure.
~Z
